on Apr 19 in Gadgets
At long last, they were on hold for a while but my cell phone prayers have been heard and answered… final-freakin’-ly! Oh happy day, indeed—- Hugh Jackman watch out!; I think I’M gonna burst out into song.
“Why the dramatic pronouncements, Q?”, you ask? Well pull up a chair and I’ll share with you my harrowing tale and then you’ll understand why “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah” is my theme song today. So, last August I got an e-mail from Verizon saying that I had a $100 credit towards a new phone as I was eligible for an upgrade. “Great!”, thought I, as my cell phone needs were growing a bit more sophisticated since I had last purchased one two years before. Although I yearned to be one of the cool kids and enlist in the iPhone army, I was too in love with Verizon’s service and I’d heard too many “dropped call” horror stories about AT&T and their enviable phone, but not so enviable service. I mean, I’ve been able to talk/send texts while I’m on the train at certain (yes, underground) stations whereas there are some iPhoners that I know who simply struggle to get reception… on the third floor of a dance studio! “What is the point of having a Lamborghini if you’re just gonna fill it up with cheap gas?” was my feeling and so I’ve remained iPhone-less and faithful to The Big V.
But yes, the upgrade… so I scooted on down to the Verizon store, excited about the prospect of an upgrade, only to discover that… well, their selection kinda sucked, and it sucked majorly——like Tila-Tequila-starring-in-a-Tyler-Perry-produced- rollerskating-Broadway-revival-of-Glitter level of suckage… feel me? Anyways, I wasn’t really into Blackberries at the time so my only other option was to settle down with a phone that I wasn’t attracted to or, with a $30 price tag marked down from $200, settle for one that had clearly been targeted for extinction by the all-powerful ruling lords of cell phone relevancy. Disappointed, I shuffled out of the store that afternoon and commenced an eight month, emotionally turbulent, seemingly endless mission known as “Operation: Phone Find.”
Over the last few months, my incessant and obsessive research has resulted in learning that my needs require what is called a “smartphone” or a “pocket PC” (Blackberry, iPhone, etc.), that phones that don’t offer advanced functions are disparagingly referred to as “dumb phones” (my beloved Voyager included), that Android phones are the hot new thing, that there are websites entirely devoted to unsubstantiated news and rumors about cell phones, and that there is a dedicated community out there with very strong allegiances to devices and/or phone service providers (called “fanboys”) that will type horrible things about you and your momma on a message board should you dare suggest that, oh I dunno… Sprint’s service could use some improvement or maybe that the iPhone isn’t the best thing since sliced bread. My e-travels have been as enlightening as they have been frustrating.
The most important thing I’ve learned about these cell phone sites is that they’re in the business of hype, and so every day they post some random unconfirmed story, grainy pic, rumored release date, hidden cam video or anonymously quoted “inside source” about a phone that may or may not come out next week, or in six months. The endless digi-tease has resulted in me falling in and out of love over the last few months with the Omnia II, Storm 2 and the HD2 (was I fixating on “sequels”?) as I had read up on these phones and loved what they offered, but their eventual release would come long after I’d discovered even hotter models with their now all too familiar “rumored to be coming soon” tempting promises of absolute cellular satisfaction.
I was excited about the big splashy debut last fall of Verizon’s Motorola Droid as the reviews asserted that it was even better than the iPhone but I had one minor issue with the Droid: she was criminally lacking in the “hot” department and I hated the keyboard. Sorry, I’ll wear the “shallow” crown with pride on this one, but a cell phone’s capabilities don’t mean jack (pun not intended) to me if the d*mn thing ain’t sex-say! I’m sayin’... I use my phone all the time and I certainly don’t wanna be giving head to toe flyness ensemble-wise only to have my main communication device be an eye sore-rrible craptastic piece of plastic; it just ain’t happenin’! So with the deal not sealed on the Droid situation I was once again on the hunt… lookin’ for phone love in all these web places.
So after months of disappointment and being constantly teased by what I now call cruel Verizon iPhone mythology, a flickering ray of hope came into my life and her name was Incredible… as in “that is the name of the phone.” News of a supposed super fast, way hot android device from HTC called The Incredible first leaked onto the internet (translation: phase one of a very deliberate hype building campaign, I’m sure) during the Christmas holidays and I’ve been reluctantly intrigued ever since. I’ve shamefully devoured every morsel of non-information, every useless YouTube sneak peek, every bit of nothingness regarding this phone knowing that I could very well be getting punk’d by some lonely gadget geek with a lot of spare time and even more Photoshop experience.
However in the midst of a storm (again, not going for a pun here) of uncertainty, the gray clouds parted and a reliable source thankfully shone through as Verizon finally confirmed that not only does the phone exist, but it could be mine starting April 29th! I won’t bore you with the geeky details of the Droid Incredible’s (her official name) bells ‘n’ whistles, but it has so far received rave early reviews for being a top of the line, multitasking monster of a smartphone with a hot design to boot—- I see you Incredible boo, wit’ yo’ lil’ sexy red accents! So even if you cannot relate to or share in my joy today, just be happy for me as it seems this ph-airy tale has a happy ending!
If you were moved by my story and you simply cannot wait to cop a ‘Creddy for yourself (yup, I’ve given a nickname already), you can pre-order the device here starting today. Hungry for even more Incredible news?
Well, check out this dude’s “First Look” video below but be warned, he spends 15 minutes divulging not a whole lot of useful information about the phone. I’m simply gonna wait for the 29th and get mine from the store so if you see a skinny dude with sunglasses singing “We Belong Together” to his touch screen on the street, just shake your head and keep it movin’ as it will probably be me.
UPDATE: I’ve replaced the previously somewhat useless video from before with two vastly superior clips. Enjoy! I know I did.
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